Asian American Women: Why Their Stories Matter
By Tran T. Doan
“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself-and especially to feel, or not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at any moment is fine with them. That’s what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he (she) really is.”
Mallory and I grabbed lunch today. Mallory is a PhD student. She listened with such an open heart and mind. She validated my lived experiences with such ease and empathy, for she has a similar background. Today in my early 30s, I realized that I have never swapped stories with another Asian American woman before.
I have family members yes, but we never talked about experiences of oppression or difficulty with navigating identities. Mallory was the closest to simulating this much yearned for conversation. She is Cambodian American, and she also resonated with coming to terms with her family’s history and refugee story. She mentioned the genocide that occurred in the four years after the Vietnam War. Through her, I’ve expanded my research into the Vietnam War beyond the country’s borders and considered more deeply of other Southeast Asian nations impacted by it.
I underestimated the power of speaking to people who look and think like me. I always felt like the odd duck out of almost every space I’m in. Previously, I never sought relationships with people of Asian heritage other than my family members. In fact, I saw them as rivals. I wanted to be special and other Asians are competition, both in academia and personality.
Now, I don’t feel that way anymore. Now, being the only Asian in the room just feels lonely. I don’t want to be the only Asian in the room anymore. I don’t want to be the only Vietnamese person in the room anymore. To me, being Vietnamese is just as important as being American. Historically, my American citizenship was associated with opportunities and privilege. Today, I am in the midst of my journey that redefines my relationship of being Vietnamese to be one of strength, intrigue, grace, and endurance rather than of shame, isolation, and exoticism.
*Name has been changed. Lunch actually occurred sometime in October of 2018.